I should go an cry
I should go, sit down on the yoga mat, pick the right posture, with a slight stretch, the one that is soft enough to make me feel the subtleties of my pain I avoid.
I have other keys to the laundry room of my soul, words are one of them.
I can already feel my eyes wet.
How happy can we be ?
How happy can I be ?
How happy can I let myself be ?
Being happy :
Witnessing myself trying for the three hundredth twenty two thousand seven hundredth fifty third time the same action I’ve failed before, but doing it again because that is what it is to do, moved by an inexplicable joy.
Looking into the eyes of a close one and print somewhere in my inner lifebook the sparkle of his eyes, the sound of her laugh.
Eating peanut butter without caring how much.
Being silence in front of the sea.
How happy can I let myself be ?
Can I let myself conceive it could be better than imagined ?
For that I should at least let me imagine.
But « don’t be stupid ».
So I know, I should go sit on the yoga mat and cry, let my body lead the way.
Eugenio said that for him all kind of therapies that don’t involve the body just move pain and trauma from one place to another, they don’t transmute them. They don’t free you.
I agree with him, but tonight I know not where to find the courage to go and sit with my body. I know my neck hurts, my hips are so tight, and my cheeks feel heavy.
But
if I don’t, who will ?
If I don’t sit with myself, who will ?
Absence is probably the most upsetting partner.
So, I press play on « Proof » the song from Luca Fogale. I put on my pijama, I take my tears with me and go surrender to this lone buddy my body.